Feel It For You
by Barbie Shoes
Summary: "Abby felt a rock settle in her gut at the odd sort of emptiness she saw in Raven's expression. She couldn't quite place what felt so wrong. The familiar eyes staring back at her weren't exactly void of emotion. There was no malice, anger, or even bitterness, yet they held an aloof air of indifference that was unusually cold." Spoilers thru 3.06. City of Light drama, DoctorMechanic
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: My first Doctor Mechanic fic! This chapter is part one of probably three, and takes place following the events of 3.06, so spoilers through there. Hope you all enjoy and are interested to see what happens next!_

 _Oh, and as we are a rather smallish ship, if you would care to stroke my fragile ego with a couple comments in the review section, I would be much obliged! Guest reviews ARE enabled._

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"Raven," Abby called, jogging slightly to catch up with the young woman upon spotting her in the corridor. She had been meaning to check in and felt incredibly guilty about how long it took her to do so. It certainly wasn't that she forgot – quite the contrary in fact, as Raven's well being was rarely far from her thoughts.

It was simply that she was so immersed in her work that her sense of time became temporarily compromised. The mystery of these "keys" Jaha doled out like aspirin remained elusive to her, and Abby was livid. Partially at herself, for failing to unravel their secrets by now, but mostly at Jaha for supplying this supposed miracle-cure to Raven and the others so irresponsibly.

The unforeseen side effects that might present themselves were as vast as they were unknown. Abby was still almost entirely in the dark about what potential damage might be caused, and she agonized over what she would do were Raven to have hope ripped so violently from her hands once again, if this didn't prove to be a permanent solution.

There was also the rest of Arkadia to worry about, of course. Their entire community might be in jeopardy, and Abby would be damned if she let what remained of the one hundred they'd initially sent to the ground suffer another travesty at the hands of their own people. Still, her first thoughts more often than not drifted back to Raven and the overwhelming desire Abby felt to protect her. She figured any efforts to save Raven would ultimately save the camp as well, and decided her primary motives really didn't matter as long as she got the job done.

When Raven turned at the sound of her name Abby was pleased to see a soft, carefree smile on the girl's mouth, and allowed herself a small sigh of relief. Maybe the chip was working. Maybe Abby was searching for faults that didn't exist. Maybe...

But as the distance closed between them, Abby felt a rock settle in her gut at the odd sort of emptiness she saw in Raven's expression. She couldn't quite place what felt so wrong. The familiar eyes staring back at her weren't exactly void of emotion. There was no malice, anger, or even bitterness, yet they held an aloof air of indifference that was unusually cold. Abby had always felt warmth in Raven's gaze – or even the occasional burning, passionate rage – but now she suppressed a shiver at the sight of that impassive stare.

"What's up?" Raven inquired with a pleasant smile and a cadence that was so very reminiscent of the lively girl from back on the Ark. The jarring reversion still made Abby pause, questioning with no small sense of hope whether her own fears were causing her to see things that simply weren't there.

"I just wanted to see..." the woman began, wavering at the sight of Raven's eyes raking unapologetically down her torso. Abby frowned, now feeling dreadfully certain she was not projecting and that something absolutely wasn't right, but still managed to recover in time to complete her thought, "...how you were feeling."

Raven grinned and, though it still wasn't the sort of warmth the other woman was accustomed to, there was a sparkle in the girl's eyes now that –while Abby couldn't place it – did seem somehow vaguely familiar.

"I'm feeling great," the girl quipped, playfully flicking the end of the stethoscope that hung around Abby's neck, mischief coloring her smirk when she added, "Doc," in a way that made the title sound like something far more salacious than professional.

Abby truly wanted this reprieve for Raven. She wanted her to be happy, to be free from the pain of all her wounds – both physical and those that cut much deeper and marred her spirit. She would venture that the only person who wanted it more than her was Raven herself. But there's a reason people say if something is too good to be true, it probably is. Selfishly, Abby hated that she might have to be the one to take this away. But if the price of protecting Raven was her resentment, Abby would accept that.

"Sweetie, I know how much this means to you," Abby replied with complete professionalism, thankful for the years of practice she had at quickly slipping on that mask – because inside not only was she fretting but also rather inappropriately flustered. "I need you to be honest with me, though."

"Okay..." Raven drawled, her flirtatious demeanor fizzling out almost at once as she shifted away uncomfortably. Abby gently took one of the young woman's hands in her own, hoping to convey a sense of empathy and reignite the trust Raven had once placed in her, though it only wrought another tense glance of confusion.

"You don't seem like yourself," Abby said cautiously, fearing another poor choice of words might send Raven hightailing it down the hall away from her. She punctuated her statement with a reassuring squeeze of the fingers still loosely held between her own, and the other woman promptly snatched her hand away.

The rock in the pit of Abby's stomach rumbled with the harshness of the gesture, pressing against her abdomen like its rough edges might shred her insides. Raven cast her a distrusting sideways squint, and though the look alone was enough to make Abby's chest constrict painfully, it was nothing compared to the gut wrenching words that came next.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Abby felt like she had just been sucker punched. Memories of Jaha and his confusion at the mention of his son rushed back to her. She hoped so much that his lapse was unrelated to this City of Light, that Jaha perhaps suffered a concussion, contracted an illness, or just flat out lost his damn marbles wandering around in the desert. But now Raven didn't know who Abby was, and Abby felt like all the air had just been sucked from her lungs.

"Raven, it's me," she urged as calmly as she could, trying to hide her panic as she reached out to press the inside of her wrist against the girl's cheeks and forehead, yet finding no signs of fever. "It's Abby."

"Abby?" Raven repeated quizzically, though she no longer recoiled from the woman's touch, staring with a confounded expression like she was trying to place the face of a long lost relative she might have met once or twice.

Abby cradled Raven's cheeks between her palms, unable to halt the instinct to trace her thumbs over the soft skin beneath them. Her throat seized up, but it was just as well because there were no words left to release. Raven didn't remember her, and all Abby could do was hold the girl's confused stare and hope that whatever memory seemed to be scratching at the surface could be found somewhere in her own eyes.

"Oh god," Raven finally gasped with a choked sob, grasping the other woman's sleeves in fistfuls and holding on for dear life. "Abby... Abby. I'm sorry. I don't... I didn't mean to..."

All of Abby's breath left her in a sudden gust and it was as if every muscle in her body sighed with relief. She could still fix this. Without a second thought she pulled Raven to her, hugging her even more fiercely than that day on the Ark when they thought they might never see one another again. So much happened between then and now, and Abby could no longer bare the thought of saying goodbye. She wouldn't.

"This isn't what I signed up for," Raven sniffled quietly. "I don't want this. Abby, what the hell is going on?"

Hearing that trembling voice beg her for answers she didn't have broke Abby's heart. Raven was always so stoic, so persistent and fearless. Abby had never seen her like this.

"I don't know, honey," she said, hearing the way her own voice shook as she spoke and feeling Raven's grip on her tighten. "But it's going to be okay. Alright? I'm going to figure it out."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Wow really didn't think it would take me almost a month to update this! Sorry about that. Hopefully the next one will be quicker._

 _Also, this is now part two of (at least?) four, because this entire chapter was originally going to be like an opening paragraph for what's coming in the next chapter soooo... yeah, it's growing apparently lol._

 _Anyway, hope you all enjoy and/or let me know what you think! :)_

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Abby's heart thrummed loudly in her ears, two beats for every one of her heavy, frantic footfalls that echoed through the hall. Right now Raven was lucid, but there was no way of telling how long that might last. No way of knowing if there was any risk for long term damage – or how quickly that damage might be done. Her stomach churned at the thought of losing Raven, at the idea of Raven losing herself.

Being polite and hoping for the best were out of the question if Abby was going to get the answers she needed. Lucky for them that Raven was, until now, considered a trusted member of the City of Light recruiting team and recently entrusted with the backpack. There was no doubt that by now the AI already knew what they were up to, and Abby shuddered at the notion of that _thing_ being privy to Raven's most personal and private thoughts, capable of violating the woman's mind to use it against them. The backpack was the best leverage they had, and getting to it before this Alie character sent another one of her minions to retrieve the device was of vital importance.

Abby had escorted Raven as far as the medical bay on her way to the young woman's quarters.

"Stay here," she instructed sternly. "Don't move, and don't talk to anyone until I get back."

She hated to leave Raven's side in the middle of this crisis, her heart aching at the terror she saw in big brown eyes and trembling limbs as a pleading, "Abby," fell from quivering lips. If there were anyone else in this entire camp that she entrusted enough complete this task for her, Abby wouldn't have hesitated a second to stay and hold Raven in her arms until their solution arrived.

Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen. It had to be Abby. Jackson appeared at her side, promising to "keep an eye" on Raven until Abby returned. There was something strange in his eyes, but no time to process what that might be. Far from assuaged by the sentiment, Abby figured she was going to have to trust him. With a pained glance at the frightened girl she must leave behind, Abby set off on her mission.

She burst through the door of Raven's quarters without a thought to spare towards anything other than the task at hand. Under less pressing circumstances she might have taken a moment to appreciate how very "Raven" the place was, with its mess of bits and pieces strewn about and waiting to be reassembled into something useful, or the lack of decor aside from sparse sentimental trinkets. She might have realized how odd it was to see a small sketch of her own face – clearly Clarke's work – nestled away from the rougher odds and ends upon the work desk.

The notions that scratched somewhere under the surface of her focus were curtly dismissed as Abby knelt down beside the bed, breathing a sigh of relief when she felt the cold metal against her fingertips. She made it here first. She had the leverage she needed to save Raven. No sooner had she retrieved the backpack from its hiding place than the door was flung open with a clatter.

"What do you think you're doing, Abby?" Jaha asked, that eerily vacant cadence leaching through his voice.

Abby froze at the sound. She wasn't a woman easily shaken, but she wasn't sure what to expect from this man now. He was so void of malice that it was unnerving, like the deafening quiet before hell broke loose from the heavens. He seemed so calm as she stood to face him, so unnaturally still. Yet Abby knew she needed to be prepared, because there was no way he would let her take this away easily.

Through her uncertainty, Abby clung tightly to memories of Raven's eyes. Eyes that had always said so much, since the day they met on The Ark. Eyes that shone with emotions Abby wouldn't dare lose herself in, except for maybe now – just in this moment – to draw on that strength. A montage of images oscillated through her mind – eyes wide and frightened, cold and empty, warm and bright and determined.

There was only one of those combinations Abby wished to see staring back at her again, and she was prepared to fight like hell to ensure she would.

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied with a steady candor that belied the sweaty, white-knuckle grip she held on her cargo. "Barging into a young woman's quarters uninvited."

"Abby," he chastised, the slow shake of the man's head punctuated by a condescending click of his tongue. "I know you're well aware I'm not here for Raven."

"Well, I _am_ ," Abby spat harshly, having no time or patience for talking in cryptic circles with this man. "And _you're_ going to tell me how to save her."

"She has already been saved," Jaha raised his palms in a gesture of absolution, as if truly believing himself some sort of messiah. Abby would have laughed if it weren't so terribly disconcerting.

" _Bullshit,_ " she hissed instead, feeling her anger boil at his smug grin and the pride he so clearly felt in what he'd done. "That girl has been through absolute hell _._ She was vulnerable and you willfully took advantage of that. Are you even aware what this thing does to people? Raven had no idea who I was this morning! You preyed on a victim of multiple traumas, whom you _knew_ was desperate to reclaim her body, and your AI stole her memories in return!"

Abby didn't realize she was shouting until her tirade finally ended under Jaha's confounded stare. He paused, turning to the side as if consulting a ghost, and Abby quickly realized it was the AI whispering in his ear.

"There is no pain in The City of Light," the man recited the usual mantra by way of an explanation. "The wounds and scars of man are not limited to those we bear upon our physical forms. That which we forget is only that which haunts us to the point of hurting."

The words were like a cold knife against Abby's back, sending sickening shivers down her spine. She shook her head vigorously, unwilling to accept the sentiment.

"I would _never_ hurt her," Abby snapped with unadulterated venom, stifled only by the way her throat constricted around the words. Certainly, she and Raven had their quarrels, bickering in the halls and throwing out barbed retorts. But it never came from a place of contempt. On the contrary, their head butting was most often born of concern.

Or so Abby thought. Her mind raced now, wondering if she really could have hurt someone she cherished so completely without ever realizing she had done so. Abby could be overprotective when it came to Raven – she knew that. She knew she sometimes overstepped, that sometimes the young woman felt smothered. But Raven had to know Abby only ever wanted to help her, not hurt her. She had to know that.

"It seems Miss Reyes would disagree," Jaha shrugged, dismissing the declaration with such flippancy it made Abby's skin crawl.

She couldn't take another second of his smug accusations. Whatever she did or didn't do to hurt Raven prior to Jaha supplying the chip, Abby would never have the chance to figure it out or fix it if she failed the young woman now. Her muscles tensed, trembling ever so slightly as she prepared to play her final hand, and at last she let the backpack slip from her fingers.

Jaha visibly startled for the first time as Abby let it clatter to the floor more harshly than necessary. She was fleetingly happy to see some semblance of emotion from the man – after all, despite being her opposition in this moment, and despite her willingness to do whatever it took to come out on top, Abby had to believe her friend was still in there and that she could save him as well.

There wasn't time to dwell on small victories though, and so she quickly grabbed a heavy pipe out of the work desk rubble, hovering above the device poised to strike. Out of the corner of her eye, Abby just barely noticed the picture of her face fluttering delicately to the ground beside her.

"You tell that machine that if it doesn't help me undo what it did to her, I will smash this thing into bits so minescule that not even Raven herself could fix it!"

"Alie can hear you just fine," Jaha said slowly, hands raised in abdication as Abby raged. "But I'm afraid we can't give you Raven."

"Don't test me, you digital bitch," Abby snarled into the air, blood pumping so furiously through her body that she could feel it pulsating against her skin in every vein. "You're going to tell me what I need to know, or you can kiss this hunk of junk goodbye. What's it going to be?"

There was a long stretch of silence, but Abby could tell by the tilt of Jaha's head that the AI was speaking to him again. She solidified her stance, quivering arms ready to deliver a warning blow if necessary, and waited.

"Very well," Jaha nodded at last, hand outstretched and beckoning her to stand down. Abby felt her heart leap, but didn't dare falter. He smirked again, as if he should have expected as much from this woman, then at last continued. "I suppose it's fortunate you're a surgeon," he said with a chuckle that was equal parts bitter and forced, "because Raven is going to require a rather delicate operation."


End file.
